It has been 1 month and 12 days since I found your lifeless body. I lay in bed, and all I see is your face. I think what bothers me the most, is that you did not look peaceful the last time I saw you. I wish I would have been there for you when you needed me the most. I wish I could get that image out of my head and make it a nice one but I just can't. I have so many memories to choose from, and I still cannot change the image. Why is that? Ever since I was a little girl, I can remember your whistle when you wanted us to come home from our friends houses, or to come downstairs for breakfast. That whistle could carry on for blocks and blocks. The song you used to sing to me every morning when I woke up "Good morning to you, good morning to you good morning to you, good morning to you) while also making either oatmeal or Fried matzah and eggs for breakfast. Ally knows that song now only because you sang it to her as well.
Our trip to Florida, the many summers spent at the dells, where do I even begin? That blue Perisienne sure did get us around! I remember when I was older and working at Pick N Save, you would take me to work and when someone would pull up next to you with their radio blaring that "rap crap" you would blast your classical music. I do not remember a day when your radio was ever on FM. The hours we spent watching the married with children marathons, or the walks to Dineen Park to let us swim. It is so hard to think of all of those things, and then imagine your final face looking straight up at the sky.
I miss your phone calls more than you can ever know. I need to apologize if I ever made it seem like taking care of your marathon grocery shopping trips, dr appointments, prescriptions, or meal planning were ever a burdon. They were never a burdon. They were an honor. An honor I was glad to handle. I still find sales, and want to call you and tell you about them but cannot. I have nothing to remember your voice by, and I wish I did. I wish I had saved a voicemail or a message from you at some point just so I could replay it over and over again just to hear your voice again. I am honored to have recieved your flag at the funeral. I have mounted it, and hung it on my wall where it belongs. I will cherish it along with your memories forever.
I love you so much, and that will never change. Your baby Cher
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